Point Break

No, this isn't about the Keanu Reeves/Patrick Swayze 1991 cult classic.
(It's becoming more and more obvious that I'm a sucker for misleading post titles though, eh?)
This post is about how I went to the doctor's office this morning for the second time in 3 days and began sobbing inconsolably in the arms of my obstetrician - to whom I probably won't ever go back again (and not because of today's events).

To start at the VERY beginning would probably mean delving into some repressed childhood memories and taking a psychoanalytical look at why I (don't) deal with stress the way I do.   I'll save us all the time suck and extreme discomfort that would cause.

The bottom line is that I've been stressed out lately - and I haven't been dealing with it.

Why am I stressed out?   
1. I'm unemployed. Again.
2. I'm pregnant.
3. I'm moving.

Any one of these things at a time, I'd have been able to handle (I think).  But all three at once has resulted in blinding migraines, lethargy, and some weepiness.  Yay hormones!

I think my absence from blogging has been a symptom of this recent malaise.  Unless someone has been around to kick me in the butt, I've basically done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING since - oh - just before Christmas.  The only packing I've done for the move is when my mom came over and basically did it for me while I watched.  The only "job-hunting" I've done is to reply to my friend's email regarding some potential contract work.  And I haven't been eating as healthy as I should - and sometimes I even forget to take my prenatal vitamins (shudder).  Oh, and I didn't go to yoga 2 weeks in a row.

So far during this whole pregnancy-thing, I've gone through the following phases every month like clockwork:
Phase I.  Two or so weeks of Feeling Normal.  I'm my usual self - not too emotional, not too lazy, not too productive.
Phase II.  A week or so of Extreme Lethargy/Laziness.  Sleep in, can't be bothered to do much, we eat out a lot this week.
Phase III. A week or so of Extreme Productivity.  Wake up early, get sh!# done, clean, cook, launder, no problem.
Then back to Phase I.

In late December, I felt myself slithering into Phase II - the extremely lazy phase.  And I figured - well, just a week of this and I'll be on to Productive Phase III - and just in time for the big move!

But alas, instead, I became even more lethargic and started getting these headaches on the right side of my head that wouldn't go away, and - in fact - got steadily worse over the past 3 days.  I saw my obstetrician for a monthly visit on Wednesday, but didn't mention the headaches because I knew they're fairly common during pregnancy and my other vitals were normal.  But after talking with my father (a physician and the same man who made me think I might die from my cat scratch/bite earlier last year), it got me thinking that it might be something more serious (which I must have already subconsciously feared) so I called my doctor this morning and went in as a walk-in patient.

After the usual 20-minute wait in the waiting room, and another 20-minute wait in the "second" waiting room , I finally saw the doc.  It was over before it began.  I was already tearing up as he checked my blood pressure and my deep tendon reflexes.  By the time he sat down to face me and stared me in the eye and asked what was wrong, I was hiccuping and my nose was running.  Oh, what a mess I was.

He asked if I had any stress, and the flood gates broke open.  I don't know if it's because he's an elderly Korean man - like my father - or if I just was so concerned that something might be wrong with the baby but couldn't admit it... but, man.  It was bad.  The next 20 minutes were a blur.  After crying for 5 minutes in the bathroom (having been told to leave a urine sample) I think I did the deed, then stumbled out of the office.  I went down to my car and called my mom, then my husband - to let them know everything was normal.  Afterward, I drove to a nearby Jamba Juice, still crying.  I had to sit in the car to gather myself and blow my nose, but the kid in Jamba Juice still stared at my puffy eyes and red nose, and spoke VERY soothingly as he took my order.  Such a nice young kid...

Anyway, the lesson here is that I've been stressed out - but I haven't been owning up to it.  Everyone's been asking me how the move is, how the pregnancy is, how being unemployed is.  And my response is always "fine, fine, fine".  And in reality - everything is fine.  I (apparently) have my health.  All moves are stressful.  And although our household income has shrunk, we're still making ends meet.  And most importantly, the baby's fine.

But just because everything's fine, doesn't mean I can't get stressed out and worry and prepare for the worst.  And when my head starts hurting, but there's no physiological reason for it - it's probably because I'm keeping too much inside.

Game Plan now:
- Get out of the house. Get some fresh air. Take a walk.
- Drastically decrease my sodium intake, eat more veggies, take my vitamins.
- Ignore all the empty boxes and piles of possessions that haven't been packed yet - and just deal with it when I'm ready.  (Preferably before the movers come at 8 am on Monday morning.)
- Go to yoga next Tuesday!

Happy Friday, Everyone!

PS: I wasn't planning on going back to that obstetrician because once we move, we'll be 40 minutes from the hospital he works at - so I need to find another doctor/hospital that's closer to the new place.  Great.  That'll be a barrel of fun.