Boob vs. Booze

Or why my baby is like a raging alcoholic...

So, my little one is now 5-1/2 weeks old. And he's already got a drinking problem. Here are the telltale signs I've noticed:

1. When he partakes, there's a very fine line between having just enough and imbibing more than he can handle.
2. When he drinks not enough, he gets mean and violent - thrashing around, scratching me, and howling and grunting like a maniac. Nothing can sate him except more drink. He will stop at nothing until he gets what he wants.
3. When he drinks just the right amount, he's very giddy and has a tendency to subsequently pass out.
4. When he drinks too much, he throws it back up - sometimes just once and then he feels better. But sometimes, it can be hours of misery and mess. Drinking too much also makes him cry.
5. Drinking makes him very gassy - he belches like a sailor. The gas also makes him weepy and/or mean.
6. I tried to tell him he has a problem and he ignores me, acting as though he can't hear or understand me.
7. His addiction has affected his life and the lives of those around him. It has even affected my and his father's careers.
8. He prefers to drink in private. When he wants to drink in public, I sometimes enable him by hiding it.
9. There are half-empty bottles all over the house.
10. He has trouble staying awake during the day. And sometimes he has trouble falling asleep at night.

Ok... So he's only addicted to breast milk & formula right now. But the patterns of addiction are there, I tell ya! I'm going to be keeping a close eye on him!